There were some real low times.. so low I couldn't see past the day, let alone in the future. Lost some special people in my life, and that made me reflect on the amount of special people I've lost in such a short time. Grief is hard.. some people grieve right away, and others... like me, take 5 years.
But then I woke up one day and realised what I DO have, what I am lucky to have.. air in my lungs, a roof over my head, food on the table. People who love me, and it made me realize everything I was taking for granted. I nearly lost some of the best people in my life, all because I was letting the depression take me over.
I turned over a new leaf, stopped relying on medication to make me feel better and decided to change how I look at things. It worked for the most part, but like anything you always need a little push.. something that can take you past the hard barrier.
Then this happened
It's no secret between my friends that I adore Howie, and for the last few tours I've taken the same banner on tour with me. The moment he saw it he waved me up. I was in pure disbelief and didn't really realize what was happening until I was up on the stage, the whole arena watching. Even though I was in a better place, I was still having major anxiety. Random panic attacks ruled my life, and being on stage brought on a mjor anxiety attack, to the point Howie held my hand and asked me if I was ok. When I told him I was scared he just smiled and told me "Don't be scared, I'm only Howie.." And you know what.. he was right. This was my moment on stage, being serenaded to by my Howie.. why should I be scared? I snapped right out of it.. just like that.
And since then.. my panic attacks have dwindled to next to nothing. I still have the odd anxiety moment, but for the best part I've put all that behind me. It's not just Howie that I should thank, but everyone who was there and saw me through it all. My amazing friends and family, all the special people in my life.
Now I've got all that out.. here are some of my favourite pictures from this year.
Enjoy.
Happy New Year!
