Family

I guess no one person can have the same views on what a family should be. Most would view it as what it is portrayed.. a mum and dad, children, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins.

I think my view was exactly that until the inevitable happens. Divorce.

Divorce isn't easy, or fun. It doesn't just affect the parents, but it also greatly affects the children too. My brother don't remember anything prior to my mum and dad seperating and divorcing. Why would he? He was barely a year old at that time. I, however to remember, and strangely enough more has come back to me the older I got.

I was around 4 or 5. I remember alot of things, shouting, mum being sad, dad not being around. It was very confusing, and very very hurtful. There was alot of broken promises, tears, more broken promises, and one women trying her very best to protect her children.

In short, my mum was amazing back then. Despite being hurt and upset, her main concern was her children. In fact, her main concern ALWAYS was her children.

Unlike someone else.

You could say this blog is directed at my father. It is. He really has NO idea how much he's hurt his children over the years. He's quick to pass the blame on to everyone else, but never ever admits the blame to himself.

Cos really, it's all his fault to begin with.

Over the years of growing up, my mum being sick, me being her carer, taking care of my brother and having the help of my grandparents.. well my dad wasn't there like he should of been. Mum couldn't work, so buying things like clothes, food, and replacing things that broke wasn't easy. I remember one time our washing machine broke. My mum asked my dad if she could have/borrow the money to buy a new one. He flat out said no. Mum cried, and I just remember thinking that I'd have to wear dirty clothes until we got a new one. That weekend me and my brother actually went to stay with my dad, who was living with some girl at the time (there were way too many to remember who was who) and I can remember her and my dad fighting alot that weekend, and she ended up packing up THEIR washing machine, putting it in the back of my dads care and telling him not to be such a selfish asshole.

Too bad he cheated on her with another poor clueless girl.

His main concern has never been his kids. Not even when their mum passed away and they were desperate. Sure, he came to stay.. but all the money my granddad sent to him he spent on things for himself, and in the end when my dad ended up in prison we were left with funeral debts and bills from every angle.

Still, me and my brother got through it. Together. And even after my dad got let out, we still vowed that we didn't need anyone else. Those who had stuck around and supported us were our new family. We may have no been bonded by blood, but they were family

My father continued to fall out with us, always over silly little things, and always with us to blame, when we were clueless to what had gone wrong. But then he started dating someone else, she was lovely, she turned my dad into the right direction... we all became a family and for once things were starting to feel like normal..

Only for him to mess it up once again. And not only did HE mess it up, he drove away all three of his kids and is now claiming we disowned him.

No, we just grew up and realized we don't need crap like that in our lives. And because of that he's throwing around suicide claims, and lies and I'm sick of it.

For 27 years I've had to deal with the fact my father is nothing but a self centered, childish, controlling, drama queen. I've let his mood swings and guilt trips control me.

And as from today... they will no longer.

I am not a bad person, all I ever wanted in life was a family and to be happy. Only I didn't count on my family being all those special and amazing friends I have, and the real family to be non existent.

I am so thankful for all those people who love us and cherish us as a family should. We love you right back, and its your love that keeps us going.

As for my father.... thank you for making me see I don't need you in my life - at all. Enjoy your lonely life.